I think it’s safe to say that it’s a universal experience to be a lover of music. “What kind of music do you like?” is a common icebreaker question people ask when they’re getting to know someone. It’s no surprise in that case that I’m a lover of music. My taste in music is older than my years, as I have an affinity for classic rock of the 60s, 70s, and 80s, as well as 60s and 70s folk. Some of my favorite artists are Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles, Jim Croce, Don McLean, Creedence Clearwater Revival, the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Billy Joel, Elton John, and so many more. Music has been around for as long as there have been people and every culture in the world has some form of music. Song and dance are some of the most real, authentic expressions of self. The Jewish and Christian scriptures are full of song. The Magnificat in Luke’s gospel is also known as the Song of Mary. The Nunc Dimittis, also in Luke, is the Song of Simeon. There are several songs of Isaiah. There is an entire book of psalms, which are often sung in liturgy. Music enhances our liturgy and it also enhances our lives.
Music also is something deeply personal. How many times do you hear someone say they don’t sing? I hear it a lot. Some people are more afraid of singing in public than they are of dying. Music exposes a piece of our souls. It can feel as vulnerable as being naked. When we sing or play music, we sometimes feel shy. It’s another one of those vulnerabilities that is frequently experienced by humans. Years ago, I experienced nearly debilitating stage fright when I was asked to sing in public. One year at Christmas, I was tasked with singing a solo during midnight mass. Although I was honored to have been asked, I couldn’t bring myself to expose my soul in that way. My solo turned into a trio, as two girls from my class were invited to join me. It’s just one of those things. It’s so personal and vulnerable to sing that we sometimes don’t want to put ourselves in a position where we might not be appreciated.
Although I have not been trained as a singer in any capacity, I am humbled to have been gifted with a halfway decent singing voice. I also had a lifelong dream to learn to play the guitar. If you heard my sermon on Sunday, then you know that I have been diagnosed as an adult with ADHD (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder). My condition went undiagnosed through childhood and to some people, I was simply known as “the weird kid.” Although it was a relief to learn that my brain simply works differently than other people’s, my elementary school teachers and my parents did not believe I was a good candidate for learning to play a musical instrument. Sadly, I never took guitar lessons as a child and I believed I would simply go through life watching and listening to talented guitarists and I’d never be able to paly one myself.
Then, when I was in seminary, a guitar had been left in the common area of the dorm building for a number of years. It was just collecting dust. It was not uncommon for graduating students to leave items behind when they moved out if they did not have means to take them with them. For instance, I left behind a window unit air conditioner and a sofa bed that I no longer needed. So the guitar was just taking up space for who knows how long. I had an idea to take the guitar back to my dorm, and I asked everyone in the building if they minded me taking it. No one had an issue with it, so I brought it with me. I downloaded a guitar tuner application on my phone and opened my computer to YouTube, where I looked for instructional videos for learning the guitar. Much to my surprise, it wasn’t nearly as difficult to learn the guitar as I had feared. Within an hour I had learned four chords: a D, a G, an E, and a C. Within days I had expanded my chording abilities to include Em, Am, and A. I continued to struggle with barre chords for a number of weeks and even months. But once you know the D, G, Em, and C chords, you can play most songs at a beginner level. When Brandy, who was then my girlfriend, came to visit me in Berkeley, I surprised her by taking out my guitar and playing a song for her. Why had I always been so afraid to learn to play?
Playing the guitar and singing along has become a valuable tool for ministry and teaching. When I served as a hospital chaplain, I would bring my guitar into the hospital lobby and sing to patients and their families several times per week. I would bring it to the behavioral health unit, where I had a weekly “group” meeting for people who needed the services of that department. I would take requests and we’d all sing together. Guitar playing helped me to add music to Christmas and Easter services when I led them in the hospital chapel. When I became a religion teacher for first, second, third, and fourth graders, guitar helped me to earn (and keep!) the attention of my students. These days I have a guitar and a guitalele (a cross between a guitar and a ukulele) at my home, and another guitar (the original I kept from Berkeley), a ukulele, and a dulcimer in my office. My ukulele and dulcimer were gifts from parishioners. When I need to hit a reset button, I take out an instrument, find the chords for familiar songs, and I sing and play.
But what if someone doesn’t like me or my playing? It has taken me a lot of years to realize I will never reach a point where everyone likes me. Maybe they like me but they don’t like my singing or playing. Maybe they like my singing, but they don’t like me. Maybe they don’t like me and they don’t like my singing. Maybe they like both. And you know what? Any of those are ok. While fear of being disliked would have been a deterrent for even trying in the past, I have finally reached a time in my life when I’m ok with people preferring something different. It doesn’t mean my feelings don’t become hurt, and it doesn’t mean I like it. But I ultimately can’t control what other people think or feel. I can only control my behaviors and the ways I respond to situations.
The same is true for you. You cannot control what others think of you or how they respond to you. Sometimes people like to impose upon us by saying we “should” do something. Or maybe we “shouldn’t.” But those words aren’t helpful. The truth is, they don’t know what we should or shouldn’t do. They may have preferences for what they would like us to do. But we maintain autonomy in whether we go along with their preferences or not. We also need to be careful from telling ourselves we should or shouldn’t do things. Those words can lead us to feel inadequate or even like failures. As a therapist once taught me, “Don’t should on yourself.”
I know not everyone finds joy in singing or playing an instrument. But if you’ve ever felt ashamed of your singing voice or of your ability to play an instrument, I encourage you to ask yourself why. As we talked about a few days ago, vulnerability is a beautiful gift that you can give to those in your life. There isn’t much in life more vulnerable (or beautiful!) than singing or playing an instrument. Throw some caution into the wind and sing. Pick up that guitar or that violin or that piano. Ok, don’t pick up a piano because it’s probably too heavy. But you get the idea. Take a risk and learn to play an instrument. Even if you’re just plucking at strings or picking at keys. Who knows? Maybe you’ll surprise yourself. You certainly will enhance your life.